I recently rediscovered some of my old writings from my college laptop. It's been such a funny little journey opening up all of these long forgotten documents... seeing/feeling/remembering who/where I was at that time in my life. I was 22, done with school, and ready to fly off to California faster than a Katniss arrow.
As I have been reading these old pieces, it dawned on me - I have been a writer my whole life, I just did not know I was. It was only about two years ago when I realized it - the awakening moment went something like this -
Heather: "I think I'm a writer..."
Bicoastal Betty: "You didn't know? We all knew... glad you know now, too."
Rediscovering this piece below really tugged on my awareness of how far I have come and what I am capable of. I laid out what I wanted in this piece... and boy did I get it. I don't even think I knew at the time what any of this actually meant, it was like pre-developed manifestation powers at play. In fact, at the time I wrote this seven years ago, I don't even think I had even seen The Secret or made a vision board just yet, and I for sure did not know who Ganesh and Lakshmi were.
During the time I wrote this, I was processing a break-up - so there is a whole paragraph on becoming myself again and creating a better version of me for the future relationship I was to have. Cut to current day (oh the irony of timing), I am processing the break-up of said future relationship and creating yet again a better version of me for my the next stage of my life and the next relationship I will have. I mean, full circle, right? What a Lila...
Here is my writing from seven years ago, it's a bit repetitive and choppy compared to how I write now, but I thought best to leave it as is... it was an early part of my journey...
The Journey of Growing into Yourself
I've been on a high-powered, self-motivated, I can do anything I put my mind to sort of kick recently. So this is what this blog is about.
I am getting ready to embark on the most adventurous life journey I have yet to experience - moving 2300 miles away from my home. It has been a dream that has turned into a passion (and almost obsession) - to live on the west coast and start my "adult" life. I have lived two hours southwest of Atlanta for a few years, and although I enjoyed it, it was not enough of a learning experience for me. I am ready for the next step in my journey.
I want to learn so much more and grow into myself. When I move away from my childhood to start my life, I feel the best way for me to grow is to be a pioneer in my own journey - taking everyday as it comes, taking what I have and making do with it. I want to be on my own, make decisions, tackle life, overcome fears, and grow.
I have been blessed with parents that have taught me the life lessons I need, and I continue to learn from them everyday. What I have learned from them will help me succeed with my journey. And "when the night gets lonely and the road gets too long," I am very comforted by the fact that they are only a phone call (or four hour flight) away.
Until I take this journey (to be own my own, make decisions, tackle life, overcome fears, and grow), I will not know myself fully. I realize that the things I must do, I must continue to do for the rest of my life - never stop learning or growing. I will not be done with this journey of growing until I am fully comfortable and unafraid of these tasks. And then a new journey will begin, as these life lesson journeys never really end. Hopefully the new one will be filled with confidence and skill, but until then, I have a lot of growing up to do to gain the confidence and skill.
While growing into myself on this journey, I have no time, nor patience, for a relationship. I need to be able to take care of myself before taking care of someone else, too. And I definitely cannot wait around for someone to take care of me. I need to be the one lighting up my life - I do not need to rely on a guy to make me smile. I have to drive myself to my destination. I am being selfish. I am putting me first. Once I have learned who I am and what I want out of life, I will be in the right relationship. So in other words, being selfish now will in return lead to better relationships in the future.
Perhaps during the last few years, I chose the wrong guy to be with... maybe we pick the wrong people to be with because we don't know ourselves well enough to pick what we want and need because we haven't finished (or started) the journey of growing into ourselves. Looking back at everything, I know it all happened for a reason, yet now I am now ready to move forward.
It takes knowing yourself to fall in love with another. I deserve only the best. And to achieve the best is to grow into myself... I am hoping to fall in love with myself as I journey on to California and on with my life. In my journey, I will be on my own, making decisions, tackling life, overcoming fears, and growing. After all, no one can change me, except me.