A Blessing and a Curse
"It's a gift" my mom said casually to me a few hours ago while on the phone. She was referring to how I can see and feel things that others cannot due to my hyper awareness and sensitivities towards being human (aka that pesky sixth sense). I have always had this sixth sense, however growing up in the south, it's not like this is something that was spoken about, so I never really understood any of it until I moved to California and found myself surrounded by healers, yogis and astrologers (God bless all of you, really).
Since I can remember, I have always been able to see auras. When I was a child, I just assumed that everyone else could see them as well. The more I have grown into this gift, I have learned that is not the case (however I do believe everyone has the ability to, you just have to find a way to tap into it). With this "gift," I have always been able to tell when someone is filled with light and/or working towards the higher good. I have also always been able to tell when someone is not being truthful or just plain malicious - the aura turns to a gray swirly shade and the energy of the conversation becomes uneasy, which in turn often makes me become physically uneasy.
I had something happen to me recently that made me so physically uneasy - literally - to the point of becoming sick. Something was said to me - and not maliciously but more so out of pure ignorance - that I couldn't stand the thought and energy of it so I had to purge it from my system. (Side note - call to Joanie - this is a past life issue relating back to Egypt... to which I say of course it is... Don't Blame Canada, Blame Egypt!) The whole experience reminded me of just how sensitive I am. And who the f*ck invented throwing up? Because it's seriously one of the most violent acts ever. I'd rather take a knife to the stomach than throw up ever again (probably actually not true, but in the moment that seemed like the better option).
What I then realized is that this person who said this to me does not see me for who I really am. I started to think of how many people in my life actually do see me - the me that is shiny, and filled with light and positivity. There are quite a few of them and I am beyond thankful for their presence in my life. I am also super thankful for a roommate/ex-boyfriend who not only sees me, but also goes out to Whole Foods at 8am to get me the only thing my purging body can handle - organic fresh cold pressed apple juice (I kid you not, it's seriously the only thing I can ever take down when I'm sick).
I consciously look for the light in people, with some instances being easier than others. After analyzing how many wonderful people I have in my life that do see me/my light got me to thinking that maybe some people aren't seeing anything (referring back to what I said earlier - I thought everyone could see auras!). This all lead me to the John Steinbeck quote below - which could mean many different things depending on how you look at it, but today, for me, it meant "who am I not seeing fully?" and "who is not seeing me fully?" The person who ignorantly said something to me that made me physically purge is most definitely not seeing me fully.
In this April's astrology there is no running from life - it's a must handle month. So it's a blessing in a way that all of this has come up and I am having to handle it - but it doesn't always feel great - I mean throwing up? That's how I'm having to handle? Oy, that seems like a curse... I guess when it's time to let something go, it's time. Release. Purge. Move forward. And that's the blessing.